It seems that there are a rash of men who want “my man” privileges with “my boyfriend” capabilities. Back in Jr high when all it took was that you were cute or you could sing and dance – you remember, the talent shows. Or you could roller skate and made it look so sexy; well as sexy as a 13-year-old could look. Back then, most girls weren’t thinking about a real future, unless you counted writing his last name next to your first name in your English composition book. Today, we have grown woman dreams, goals, desires, drives and aspirations. So, tell me, “boyfriend”, where are YOU going? Where can you take ME? Because I certainly have plans to go places. Does your swag match mine? Do you compliment me? Can you step up to the plate? Are you willing to swing the bat? If none of these things apply, are you at least capable of causing a sister to salivate at the thought of your next sentence? Do your conversations at least cause deep vein THROB-bosis?
Men, there are strong and weak men. There are those strong enough to evolve themselves and those too weak to even try. The reason good women remain single is because they have been consistently dating weak men, men unwilling to evolve and adapt to their mate. You know him well, the '40-year-old playboy', the 'always has women around but no connections', the 'oh we’re just friends' guy, the 'I’ll date you to keep you but cheat on you too' guy…yes, him. These men instead seek the honeymoon stage over and over and when that stage ends the ‘relationship’ ends. This is because they are weak. I commend the men who challenge themselves to be great, to stand above average and learn their women, I honor your strength. Those are men in long term monogamous relationships, there day in and day out figuring it out and making it work! Hats off to you! – Author, Lonee Taylor
While Lonee said a mouthful and those men are very well represented, there’s the OTHER type of man. I think you know him well too. The video guy. The doing the absolute bare minimum guy. The guy who sits and watches you hustle and patiently awaits your moment of success. The ‘he really believes he’s going to share in your success’ guy; although he contributed nada to you getting there. Don’t believe he exists? Ask him what you do in your job/business/hustle – not the visible surface stuff but the nuts and bolts of your drive. If he doesn’t know, he’s said guy!
Of course, there is the flip side to this, the woman version of him, but that’s another blog. Right now, we’re just chatting about me. Lately, in my quiet time I’ve been doing some self-evaluation. Taking a good look at myself and the pattern of men that I attract and accept. I’ve come to realize that 95% of the men I’ve dated or married, have been the exact same man; behavior, attitude, ambition (mostly the lack thereof) and tantrums. So why have I settled? For me it’s simply been comfortable and easy. Oh, then there’s the lack of self-confidence, believing that I really don’t measure up to better. I’m smart and kind and considerate and pretty. My name is Lenora, I’m 50+ years old, and my self confidence level right now is subpar. I’m a work in progress though.
I’m coming to realize that I don’t have to have ‘this’ part perfected to put in the work on ‘that’ part. I realize that it’s very unnecessary to be so hard on myself for certain mistakes – in fact, my new attitude is that if I can forgive some mistakes, I can forgive them all! I’m now learning to accept just how smart I truly am, that I don’t need to be on anybody else’s level to participate. I’m learning to continue being kind and considerate without being manipulated. I am REALLY pretty! As pretty on the outside as I am on the inside. And I am not alone.
There are many of us struggling in this arena. We fight this silent fight every single day. We get bloody and bruised, and we bandage and reset and hope that we don’t make the same mistakes tomorrow. But we do. So, what’s missing? Bestie Babes (insert trademark stuff because I don’t own the rights to anything Bestie related!)
Let’s make a deal, shall we? Since we are on display in an arena, let's put on a show. Find YOUR bestie, start with just one if you must. Share.Your.Burden. Realize that the bestie needs you as well. Before you know it, you will have a village or TRIBE of powerful women in your corner fighting the same fight as you and cheering you on. Maybe she already jumped the hurdle and is excited to help you onto the next level. Just please, don’t give up the fight and I can’t wait to join you at the finish line.