I know that as a parent/guardian, we have many hats to wear and sometimes we find them piled up on top of each other.
I have a goal with my little one to introduce her to something new each month. This month we were able to experience a local Renaissance Festive – a first for us both.
There would be lots to see and learn and a great deal of walking. Allow me to mention that walking for lengthy periods is not one of her favorite pastimes. I am always careful to give the details, in advance, of what to expect – in this case there will be walking!
This brought up questions like: when you were a kid what did you do for fun? Did you have a VR (virtual reality simulated experience game)? Were cell phones out in your day? How old were you when you got your first cell phone?
My answers: we played outside, I did not have a VR (to this day I do not play them), my first cell phone was purchased in 1990 when it came in a big carrying bag and was for use in my car.
One of the many things I was reminded of from this conversation is that she is rocking entirely too much technology and not having enough fun with nature and new experiences.
I recognize that the transition will come with a lot of resistance, however, we will forge right along.
After an hour of sightseeing and a few trinket purchases, she began to cry. Of course, I inquired as to why and she explained to me that her legs were in great pain. I did not buy into this explanation, so I dug a little deeper. What we uncovered was that hunger was one of the culprits – even though food was offered often. I suggested we end our time at the festival and go home to rest and recover. This created a new stream of tears. I sat with her and continued to probe and finally she explained that she did not think she would get to play or participate in the games that I promised she could.
Firstly, I do not make promises unless I know that I can keep them – I understand the disappointment of broken promises. Secondly, planning the extra exertion of energy is very strategic. My little one gets very anxious and is not always capable of reeling herself back in. Therefore, the things that would cause her the most excitement needed to happen closer to the time to leave the festival.
Trust is a factor in this circumstance. We sat and talked about what was really happening and it turned out that she has a tough time with disappointments and letdowns. You may be thinking that life is full of them, and she would have to learn to manage them at some point – and you would be correct – but that is not a lesson that I want her to have to learn at home or from me. What I want to offer her is trust at home and we can tackle the world problems as they come along. This is also a lesson in accountability and integrity, for both of us, and I must lead by example.
My knowledge with her (based on the lessons she has given me about her experiences in her own short life) is that her insecurities are big. My goal is to assist her in overcoming each obstacle that she has had to face and those that she will inevitably have to face in the future. Primarily, what I want to teach her, is that home is her safe space and that she is surrounded by love and people who have her best interests in mind.
I know that for as far as we have come, we still have a long way to go in her mental and emotional growth. I accepted this from the time that I agreed to give her a forever home.
What are some of the ways that you offer reassurances when your child thinks the rug is going to be pulled from beneath them?